Supreme Education, Jo "Anagram" Merpus O '(78) today introduced the last plank in a raft by the Government of measures aimed at "making education in Britain unrecognizable." The long-awaited plan to eliminate the spelling of the curriculum come in force when the new school year begins in September.

"As of September this year," Mr. Omerpus (68) told reporters via text message from the bar at the Fat Cat Cheshire in their district mental hospital, "Pupils, teachers and, indeed, no evidence of their ability spelling, whether term work in writing or review documents. While reading your work can be reasonably sure of what is probably to say, then this government feels making students and teachers of the burden of outdated and no sense of spelling words as good as the dictionary is therefore Boff perliticul (sic) the correctness gone mad. It is time that this fascist torture came to an end. "

Arthur "pending" front (22), leader of the largest teachers union was for once agree with the government. "For once I agree with the government." He said.

In a semi-literate press release issued later, the lord of the writer against press in more detail: "We thought that education is to give children what they want, as you would any other consumer. This new measure is perfectly aligned with the government's previous innovations ditches grammar and school attendance. Certainly, it makes our jobs much easier for teachers and remove the stress of the correction of written work. Most of us we have a problem with the spelling side of things and no teacher wants to spend morning, noon and night with her face in a dickshonary (sic).

Minister in the shadow of the opposition to education was not so sure that the government had done well. "We see nothing in these proposals," he said, "to ensure that the government has done enough to improve the quality of the ticks of the students are setting aside their multiple choice answers. Ticks that are too scribbled and barely legible and can lead to misunderstandings in the absence of an ability to write words in fact, a student needs to write her tick very clearly. "

Education adviser high-level government and recognized as the real architect of a series of educational reforms described PM excited by a recently as "not so much a series as a true Titanic awaited change," the psychiatrist Druggem Pewee.

Dr. Druggem told this reporter, "The demands impossible to place children learn to spell correctly undermine self-esteem on the mistaken assumption self-esteem that stems from the realization and not, as we now know, patted on the head and the land offered sympathy. "

And He added: "It is socially divisive, dividing students into two classes: the SNOTS little smug that he can spell and private their rights to a minority who can not. It also gives the first group an unfair advantage in terms of things like filling out job applications and applications for benefits, and employers often discriminate Spellista too so that only one in a hundred jobs is a person unable to write. In fact, we find that equal opportunities, invariably, the only truly "," employers, so far as the newspapers referred alphabetically challenged, are sensational .

He went on to explain that this estimate auto accident weakening of a child - causes of severe mental illness in most children, known as "Spelling anxiety disorder (SAD)." Well, "Dr. Druggem said," We've leveled the playing field more or less end it all. "

When asked if this stupidity, as it eliminates the stress leads to SAD, the pharmacist would companies to lose substantial profits from the sale of drugs to treat the disorder, Dr. Druggem said:

"We prefer the term leveling down as dumbing down involves value judgments. Fortunately, the drug cartels are not lost. We can be the elimination of SAD, but there is a newly discovered disorder caused by the stress of not being able to write. Related to anxiety is called elimination Spelling (ass) and requires of drugs to treat the broad ".

The new British government's revolutionary approach to education is capturing the imagination educators abroad. The Germans, French and Spanish in particular, enthusiastically welcomed the reforms and the three countries indicate a strong increase "Thick The English "jokes circulating in both the bases and levels of government.

"Once again," said a spokesman for the French, the British lead the way in providing endless fun for the rest of Europe. "

Mr. O'Merpus replied: "Our European partners are laughing on the other side of their faces when British workers pick up all the menial jobs available throughout the Reich – I mean, of the Union. "

The government is expecting the reforms to pay good dividends in improving test results next year. Five years have passed since any British student fail a test and the government is quick to take credit for what he describes as not both a reduction of the rules review as a genius-level rise for the entire population. Consequently, ten years will now be able to sit multiple choice exams for doctors in most subjects.

END

"Popularity of the new text messages reached GCSE new high. "
[Pg C 11]

"We need no Educashun. Controwl not need any stronger." Diskuss. [See Page 6]

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